Never jerk off a cactus. ‘Cause you’ll only hurt your hand… and the cactus’...– Tre Cool [Green Day] (via volokovamberli22)
gaymzee: horton hears a what horton hears a who horton hears a chicka chicka slim shady
In Order of the Phoenix, when Molly Weasley tries...
thatfunnyblog: Wanna LAUGH OUT LOUD?! Follow this blog.
loki-theking: I don’t avoid eye contact because I’m shy. I just want to avoid a Pokemon battle.
thefingerfucker: avatarstateyipyip: pizzaforpresident: So in one week we’ve got three cannibal cases in Florida, a man spitting blood all over a highway patrol officer, another man disemboweling himself and then throwing his intestines at two police officers, and a woman beheading her infant and eating it’s brain……. people are finally seeing why I hate it here
simonandcostello: kyoukinohana: thepunygodofmischief: hulksmashes: “cap” “cap” “what is it bruce” “hulk like cap smell” “bruce, please stop” “does hulk smell patriotism” “stawp Bruce.” “Dat’s gay” “I thought we were science buddies Bruse.” “what happened to us?’ “what am I doing here?” “what’s gay?” “the fuck is this?” “the fuck is...
shavingryansprivates: “music is my life :)” i say as i walk down the street listening to fall out boy on my 2nd generation ipod nano. but what’s this? the sound suddenly cut out! i quickly pull out my 2nd generation ipod nano to see that the battery has run dry. “NO!” i scream as i begin sprinting towards my home. it’s too late. i collapse on the sidewalk and die.
Queen of abs: thatdamnbuffalo: pigeonsatan:... →
thatdamnbuffalo: pigeonsatan: orbitars: how to summon pigeon satan: draw pentagram sprinkle bread crumbs over pentagram ＦＯＯＬＩＳＨ ＭＯＲＴＡＬ ＤＯ ＹＯＵ ＲＥＡＬＬＹ ＴＨＩＮＫ… ＩＳ ＴＨＡＴ ＢＲＥＡＤ ＣＯＯ ＣＯＯ！！ （ＦＯＯＬＩＳＨ ＭＯＲＴＡＬＳ， ＡＮＤ ＦＡＬＳＥ ＰＩＧＥＯＮ ＳＡＴＡＮ， ＯＮＬＹ ＴＨＥ ＢＥＳＴ ＰＵＤＤＩＮＧ ＳＨＡＬＬ ＢＲＩＮＧ ＭＥ ＦＯＲＴＨ！）
borgiabutts: we also had to analyze african jesus i wrote down on my paper, “i like this jesus because he’s hot” and my teacher said “i agree with you”
cosmo-kramer-the-assman: vincent van gogh fuck yourself
textposter2: if you’re ever mugged by someone just scream ‘SWIPER NO SWIPING’ at them and by the rules of crime they have to stop