Cup O' Sunshine

unfreshing:

not grabbing people’s butts while they walk up the stairs in front of me is the hardest part of my day

rubee:

you are an olympic diver

you climb up to the diving board

you stretch and position yourself for your jump

you push off the board, do many complicated flips, and dive into the water,

you suddenly start spinning head down in the water

you look around you

the water is spaghetti

you are a fork

If anybody asks if they know you from somewhere, look them in the eyes and say, “Do you watch porn?”

bosnia-and-herzegovina:

Please, tell us more about your boyfriend that no one asked you about.